The start of a new year is a great opportunity to reflect on our professional relationships and the ways we navigate challenges in the workplace, in particular conflict with colleagues.
Conflict is a natural part of the human experience and it is likely that most of us at some stage in our professional (and personal) lives will experience conflict. As we kick off a new year in 2025, here are some short tips and skills to help you reframe your relationship with conflict and take small steps to transform conflict situations into sparks for deeper connection, meaningful communication and enhanced working relationships.
Reframing our relationship with conflict means consciously choosing to see and approach conflict in a new way. It starts with the acceptance that change is possible and requires a commitment to a shift in both mindset and behaviour. By recognising that conflict is an inevitable part of the human experience, we can move away from seeing it as something to fear or avoid and instead view it as an opportunity for growth, meaningful connection and collaborative problem-solving. By understanding where we both collectively and individually may start in conflict situations and acknowledging our ingrained patterns, beliefs and automatic behaviours, we can learn skills and use tools to help us intentionally choose how we think about and behave in conflict situations.
For some of us, our conflict patterns run deep but with a commitment and courage to shift, some helpful tools and frameworks to guide – and some practice – real change and sustained growth is possible.
We’ve all had moments where we have reacted in the heat of conflict, only to wish we’d had the opportunity to take back words, action or silence – to pause instead. In conflict situations, the automatic defence systems of our body and brain take over, often driven by emotional triggers driving us to react without choice or intention.
Pausing offers an opportunity to interrupt these automatic reactions, giving us space to think, regulate and choose how we act with clarity and intention. Neuroscientist, Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor explains that when we experience an emotional reaction (like that we may experience in conflict) the physiological response lasts about 90 seconds. Beyond that, the emotion continues only if we keep ‘replaying’ the triggering thought. Pausing (in the moment) during conflict allows us to ride out this 90-second window, giving us a chance to regain control and respond with intention rather than being driven by our automatic responses.
For conflict situations that are ongoing, the idea of pause, means creating space and time to consciously acknowledge where we are and how we would like to show up, to reflect on the situation at hand, be aware of what are experiencing and consciously consider options for moving forward, including how we might connect (both to ourselves and the other person).
Acknowledging is the important step of recognising our thoughts and feelings to understand how they shape our behaviour. It’s about identifying what drives us in moments of conflict and naming how we want to show up. This act of self-awareness helps us take stock of where we are emotionally and psychologically, creating space to consider and choose our actions with intention.
Psychologist, Dr. Susan David explains that resilience is closely tied to our ability to accurately identify and name our feelings and experiences and that when we name our emotions, we create psychological space between ourselves and what we are feeling.
By acknowledging our thoughts and feelings in conflict situations we are able to better understand our emotions and triggers, reducing their intensity and enabling us to consider the situation with a level of neutrality, rather than being wholly absorbed by our emotions and unconsciously reacting rather than intentionally responding. By acknowledging and naming our feelings, we can start to navigate challenges with greater clarity, emotional resilience and more intentional, values-driven action.
Reflecting on conflict situations we face invites us to analyse, examine and even dissect the conflict from multiple perspectives – so we can best understand what we might think is going on and to also step outside the common ‘go to’ conflict binaries of “me/you” “us/them” “win/loose”, “right/wrong”, “victim/perpetrator” and others we may have constructed in our head.
There are actually MORE than two sides to every story and reflection encourages us to look at as many as we can.
First up, in a move that conflict expert William Ury sees as part of a process of ‘going to the balcony’, zoom out and look wide at the whole picture from a space that is outside the axis of conflict that is you and the other person. What can you see as a potential bigger picture here ? What do you and the other person potentially hold in common and what do you guess, when you look below the surface, holds you apart. Next, look in to dig deep and consider what in this situation is triggering or really impacting you. And then, look across, to consider and even at best guess what might be going on for the other person.
It’s about exploring what’s happening within ourselves, considering the experience of others, and understanding the broader context of the situation. This process encourages deeper understanding, allowing us to move beyond surface-level positions and reactions. By reflecting, we develop empathy, which supports more constructive communication, collaborative problem-solving, and a future-focused approach to conflict.
Through reflection, we create the space to reframe challenges and build stronger, more thoughtful pathways toward solid working relationships.
Aiming to connect in conflict situations requires a conscious shift from the traditional mindset of opposition to one of seeking mutual understanding, offering empathy and working toward collaboration. Through reflection, we often gain valuable insights into the situation as a whole – our own needs, fears, values and interests, as well as those of the other person. These insights become useful pieces of information to help us approach conflict with the goal of connection.
Instead of viewing the conflict situation as a struggle or fight, ask yourself: What if my goal was to connect? Explore what you might hold in common, how you can collaborate and what the best way to communicate might be.
This shift in mindset and approach is not about being weak, letting the other person have their way, or avoiding the issue entirely – though there may be times when you consciously choose to let go. Rather, it’s about stepping outside the traditional, expected paradigm of conflict and intentionally choosing, with curiosity, compassion and a sense of shared humanity, a new way to engage. By embracing this approach, we create space for more constructive and transformative interactions, paving the way for solutions that benefit everyone involved.
While the steps – Pause, Acknowledge, Reflect, Connect – may seem straightforward, they require courage, choice and practice. For many of us, deeply ingrained habits, beliefs and social constructs have shaped how we experience and respond to conflict, making our automatic patterns challenging to change without conscious effort and the right tools.
The PARC framework, with its practical strategies and supporting tools, offers a structured approach to building and strengthening these skills. By integrating PARC into your life in 2025, you can begin to practice small steps to approach conflict in a new way and transformative way.
Be in touch to learn more about The PARC Program here.
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Author: Kris Darmody